When God first captured my heart, I remember long hours reading through bible studies and books on how to be a perfect Christian. As I look back now, I giggle remembering how naive I was in thinking that books would bring me closer to God.
Perfect? Maybe Not
In my mind, my new walk with Christ was perfect. And, to add to this ideal scenario, I had been blessed by a perfect child. My newborn was quiet, didn’t like a lot of my attention or to be held. Plus, he liked a calm house just like I did.
Everything was working out great. But, my world was about to abruptly change. And, the faith I professed was to be intensely tested. God, in His divine wisdom, loved me enough to show me I needed His truth not only in my head, but also in my heart…and it was through my very quiet newborn that His greatest tests would come.
True Faith Is Tested
Most parents with children on the Autism spectrum have already picked up on my newborn’s issues just by my description of him. But, since autism in the mid-90s was not on the radar of most pediatricians, my son’s issues became an intensifying struggle for both him and me because we had nowhere to turn and no one to ask how to navigate the road we were on.
Adding to my blinded path, I was struggling with my own battles against anger and depression which were the result of my own autistic tendencies and sensory issues. But God knew all these things even when I did not, and He knew how He would use them to bring me closer to Him if I chose to stay, learn, trust and grow in my faith. And that is what I choose, amidst many tear-filled and heart-breaking days and nights.
Faith Made Real by Walking
What I learned through those 20 years of sticking close to God and holding onto the truth that “all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28) is that faith cannot become real if it is only thought about while sitting in a chair contemplating the greatness of God.
Instead, faith is a daily walk, trusting in God’s truths so greatly that you move forward each day expecting Him to do what is in His word despite what circumstances around you lead you to believe.
“I really would rather be in this wheelchair knowing Jesus as I do than be on my feet without him.” Joni Eareckson Tada
Looking Ahead and Walking in Faith
Looking back on the difficult road God has so graciously walked with me on, I am grateful of the things He has allowed me to experience. Each difficulty has helped me grow closer to Him. My trust in Him is more profound than I ever thought was possible.
As I look ahead to all that I don’t know about the future of my children, I know one thing: The God who created and loves them is always working out His good for the purposes He created for them just as He has for me.
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