When God first captured my heart, I remember long hours reading through bible studies and books on how to be a perfect Christian. As I look back now, I giggle remembering how naive I was in thinking that books would bring me closer to God.
Everything was working out great. But, my world was about to abruptly change. And, the faith I professed was to be intensely tested. God, in His divine wisdom, loved me enough to show me I needed His truth not only in my head, but also in my heart…and it was through my very quiet newborn that His greatest tests would come.
Adding to my blinded path, I was struggling with my own battles against anger and depression which were the result of my own autistic tendencies and sensory issues. But God knew all these things even when I did not, and He knew how He would use them to bring me closer to Him if I chose to stay, learn, trust and grow in my faith. And that is what I choose, amidst many tear-filled and heart-breaking days and nights.
Instead, faith is a daily walk, trusting in God’s truths so greatly that you move forward each day expecting Him to do what is in His word despite what circumstances around you lead you to believe.
“I really would rather be in this wheelchair knowing Jesus as I do than be on my feet without him.” Joni Eareckson Tada
As I look ahead to all that I don’t know about the future of my children, I know one thing: The God who created and loves them is always working out His good for the purposes He created for them just as He has for me.