Surviving the Holidays with Children who have Sensory Integration Disorder and Special Needs

Posted on November 8, 2017December 23, 2019 by Jennifer Cullimore

By Jennifer Cullimore, M.A. Speech-Language Pathology

The holidays are rapidly approaching and sometimes our schedules fill up before we know it. However, for parents of children with special needs; specifically those with sensory differences, the holidays can be an especially stressful time. What can you do to make them better?

Keep as much routine or rhythm to your day as possible

Often times due to holiday closings, parties or family commitments, many of our days are not “typical” during November and December. However, if you can, keep some routine in your days. Try to keep meals, naps and sleep schedules the same, if at all possible. Even if the times are a bit off, having the same routines (reading a story, brushing teeth, praying before bed) can make a big difference in how your children react to the holidays.

Consider preparing your child for new events

This looks different for every child. But if your child needs to know what is going on, consider making a visual schedule or a social story to introduce them to new people, events, or new sensory experiences. Talk about the event, show them pictures, or even pick out a video (YouTube is fabulous for this) to show them what the event will entail.

Put yourself in your child’s shoes

As you schedule your holiday plans, try to step back and really look at how much you have scheduled. Think through what your child typically has trouble with or what triggers problems or meltdowns? Are there modifications to be made? If you have children who love something, and others who don’t, could part of your family participate?

Don’t be afraid to say NO!

This is probably my best tip: Don’t be afraid to say no. Though the holidays are special, we tend to over schedule and cram every social event into a month’s time. It can get overwhelming, even for adults who are extroverts. Sometimes we just need to say no. This involves prioritizing what is really important to us and our families. We don’t have to do everything in order to make memories. In fact, some of things that make the best memories, are those we do at home and without planning.

Let go of your expectations

In this fabulous of age of Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest, we tend to want all our memories to look “picture perfect”. Guess what? That’s not real life. Sometimes the greatest triumph you will have is keeping your children alive or getting everyone a bath. Remember, when you see pictures of perfection that is literally one second of that person’s day. I can guarantee you that the other 86,399 seconds in their day do not look that way.

Embrace simple family traditions

Reading Christmas stories, playing with a nativity set, singing Christmas carols, decorating a tree, baking Christmas cookies, coloring and decorating the house all are fun ways to celebrate. You don’t have to be out at light shows or at a party with 100 people to make memories that your children will cherish. Just as you can do school “outside of the box”, you can do Christmas “outside of the box.” You can do it any way that works for you and your family. Don’t be afraid of embracing new traditions or trying different things.

Whatever you choose to do this year, we at SPED Homeschool pray it is an amazing time for you and your family.

Did you benefit from this article?

Would you consider a small donation to support the ongoing work of SPED Homeschool?

Click Here to Donate Today

Strength Through Fire: Marriage & Special-Needs Parenting

Posted on September 27, 2017November 25, 2019 by Dyana Robbins

By Dyana Robbins

If you are married and parenting a special-needs child or children, you are likely well-acquainted with the marital prognosis bandied about in our circles. It’s not a kind one. Widely shared statistics tell us that the divorce rate for our families lies around eighty percent. Others decry that statistic, but no matter the number, special-needs parenting places great demands on a marriage.

However, there are wonderful things that special-needs parenting creates or deepens in an enduring marriage. I’m writing a series of articles on those things; highlighting strengths developed in the fires of parenting special-needs children and strategies for developing them. I’ll start by sharing a little of our experience and how our marriage has benefited through it.

Our Story
My husband and I married in 1995 and did not have children until 2002. These seven years provided ample time to know one another and plan for children. We both met career, financial and personal goals before conceiving and felt secure that we had laid the best foundation we could to bring children into the family.

Our marriage was well-prepared to support children, but the arrival of our first child threatened everything we had built. Our son was born without the ability to nurse or take a bottle. We spent many long weeks pumping breast milk around the clock, trying to rouse our son to eat, and then spooning the liquid gold into his mouth. Exhaustion and fear over his condition accelerated a fall into postpartum depression.

We beat back the darkness, our son improved. Then we welcomed our second son into the family two years later. Before long, I was battling fears that whatever was affecting my oldest son had also affected his younger brother. By the time our oldest was three-and-a-half, we had identified both our sons were impacted by autism spectrum disorders, among other challenges. Our family was struggling to get through each day and our marriage took some tough blows for the next five years as we came to terms with handling a reality that differed from our expectations and preparations.

As our sons are entering high school, we enjoy an enduring marriage and a host of benefits from weathering the early years of parenting. Here are some marital benefits of special-needs parenting we have discovered along the way.

Still smiling after all these years and lots of tears….

What We’ve Gained

Enhanced Sensitivity
Some of us are naturally attuned to the needs of others, while some people struggle to appreciate them. I won’t disclose who is who in our marriage, but we have both grown exponentially in this area. Parenting our children has required us to closely attend to the children’s needs and one another. Thriving together requires recognizing everyone’s needs and balancing them in ways not demanded by typical parenting.

Deep, Honest Communication
When our marriage was suffering, we learned to communicate more deeply, honestly, and quickly when problems arose. Beating around the bush is a luxury confined to times of normalcy and peace. Fighting for our family required honest, forthcoming communication. I developed courage to address unmet needs in myself and children and to express them well to my husband. This was a process, but we hashed out better communication skills and committed to using them.

Deeper Commitment
Our vows were expressed with a commitment to part only in death, yet I questioned them in our darkest times. As my husband struggled with our new realities, my understanding, compassion and forgiveness were lacking. I entertained ideas that it might be easier on my own and had to quickly combat them with truth. I chose to love him better and renewed my commitment to our marriage. He stuck with me through disillusionment, anger and depression. We look back on those times and marvel at how we’ve grown spiritually, emotionally and relationally.

Laughing More
There are many challenging and painful things we encounter, but almost all of them can be viewed with a sense of humor if we are willing to laugh at ourselves and our circumstances. Shared laughter helps us cope with stress and builds unity. Some of our biggest laughs have come from mining humor out of acutely stressful or painful situations. Given the number of those situations inherent to parenting special-needs children, we laugh a lot more.

Coordination and Delegation Skills
Nothing can mold a couple into a tip-top team like managing the schedules, needs and appointments of our families. Balancing work, therapy, school and life demands requires skillful coordination, a team mentality and the ability to delegate. I’m thankful for how we’ve honed these skills over our years of parenting; we can flat get things done.

New Ministry
In the early years of parenting, we had to divide and conquer to meet the challenges that kept coming. One of the few things we could do together in those years was encourage other struggling parents. It helped us stay connected to one another.

We have met many wonderful people through our family’s challenges: doctors, therapists, other parents and those with special needs themselves. These relationships give us a richer life and opportunities to share hope, comfort and encouragement even as we receive them.

These are a handful of the benefits we have enjoyed. I hope they encourage you to recognize your own. I’d love for you to share yours with me! My next article will address strategies for cultivating these benefits.

This article has been copied with permission from Ambling Grace.

Did you benefit from this article?

Would you consider a small donation to support the on-going work of SPED Homeschool?

Click Here to Donate Today

10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Homeschooling Special Needs Children

Posted on September 16, 2017April 19, 2020 by Dyana Robbins

By Dyana Robbins

Our home is filled with boundless energy, lots of love and enough challenges to fill two lifetimes. God has wisely chosen to pack it all into my life and teach me how to walk with Him through it. And, because we homeschool, many of those lessons have centered around homeschooling special needs children.

Here are ten things I wish I had known before homeschooling children with special needs:

#1 – There are many days that are as hard as I feared they would be, but they are outweighed by the wonderful life we share.

It will always be a difficult choice to homeschool. On days when I wonder if going to school would be better for them or me, I remember all we would lose by not learning and growing together. So far, that has been more than enough to keep us on this path.

#2 – I don’t have to defend my decision to homeschool.

Doing it well, wholeheartedly and openly, eventually silences the critics. Responding with information and kindness to those with questions, fosters a positive response in most people. When that doesn’t work, nothing else will, so I can stop trying.

#3 – Most parents, doctors, and therapists in these trenches are amazing, inspirational people.

They will help you, listen to you, and inspire you with all that they do each day. The admission price to this club is steep, but the rewards are inestimable.

#4 – Nurturing my marriage first is critical to successful homeschooling.

The more unified, mutually supportive and loving that our marriage is, the more our children learn, feel secure and thrive. Time devoted to our marriage is not a detriment to homeschooling, but an investment in it.

#5 – Rest and recreation deserve subject credit.

Are my children battling me over schoolwork? Would I rather scrub the bathroom with a toothbrush than face one more day of school? This is a sign that we need rest and recreation. Many discipline problems and poor attitudes have been vanquished by a nap, field trip day or a day off from school. It is amazing how much is accomplished by taking a quick break, rather than pushing through our misery.

#6 – I won’t have it all together for very long.

This is a bitter pill for a recovering perfectionist like me. Loving my family, putting relationship with Christ and others first, will always mean interruptions and distractions to my schedule. Maintaining a reasonable order to our life is better than appeasing my inner tyrant’s demands.

#7 – It’s vital to show love and accept my children even if they are never able to do _______.

This blank can be filled with whatever we are struggling with at the time. My children need me to be content and grateful for what they are able to do (or unable to do!) so they can learn to do the same. Their struggles and limitations will always tempt them to despair or give up. I add to their burden when I am discontent or frustrated. Seeking God’s design and purpose for my children, Allows me to help them grow and discover those things with joy.

#8 – Ask for help and humbly accept it.

Homeschooling moms can believe they should handle everything alone. This is a fast road to burnout. Utilize all available help to maintain a peaceful home, heart, and family. While others might praise us for being able to “do it all,” that praise is a fleeting satisfaction. A richer life is interconnected; giving and receiving, and helps us make it for the long haul.

#9 – I will always wonder if I am doing “enough.”

This might be the nemesis of every homeschooling parent. Having children with additional challenges and needs often compounds this worry. Rather than trying to answer this unknowable question, I have learned to accept that I am not ever doing “enough.” Moreover, it is not my job to be enough for my children. That job belongs to God alone. I am just one of His provisions in their lives. Others can and will shape my children. Opportunities will arise for them that I did not orchestrate. Relationships will be formed without my intervention. I can do my best for them and trust all else to their loving Father.

#10 – God is enough.

This is true when nothing is going right, I fail, my children aren’t progressing like they “should” and I am scared about the future. No matter our circumstances, He carries us and enables us to do what He calls us to do. He has taught me this in many ways, but I experience it more deeply as we homeschool. This realization has enriched my life and relationships more than any other; it’s been this mom’s greatest lesson.

This article was previously published in abbreviated form for the

Texas Homeschool Coalition

Special Needs blog in January 2016