By Dawn Spence, SPED Homeschool Teaching Manager

 

Homeschooling is a great path to spending time with your family and loved ones. It can be hectic at times with lots to do and it can be peaceful at times. I have been on both sides of the coin. Some years are outright crazy and stressful. What do you do when life hits you with stress, illness, or both? This is when I feel like my teaching goes out the door, which stresses me out even more. How do you homeschool when everything is insane? The word that comes to my mind this year is grace. I have found four things that have given me perspective when dealing with illnesses in our home when I am the primary caregiver and teacher.

 

Look at what you can let go of:

I am type A personality, that likes all my ducks in a row, and this year my ducks aren’t in the same pond, let alone in a row! While focusing on my non-negotiables, I have learned to ease up on some subjects. I feel more pressure with a high school student to keep him on track, but even his schooling can take some breaks within limits. I can do less math for one week and assign more the next or assign fewer problems if he is understanding the lesson. This is where I am glad that we school in the summer, as that releases some of my mom guilt and pressure. 

 

Learn to be flexible: 

If things are chaotic and I lose my bearings, my children will still look to me for some stability. The best gift I can give my kids is the lesson that life is something that can not be predicted. We might wake up and because of unforeseen circumstances, our day takes a different turn. This life skill, of being able to adapt in the situation and not crater when an illness or stress comes on, can not be taught in a textbook. Honestly, this year I have been tested in this very area and some days I do better than others. If I don’t succeed, I need to grant myself grace.

 

Pick your path:

The biggest thing I need to remember in stressful times and in the chaos is that this is my journey and my path. Comparing myself to others, especially during a crisis, just causes me more stress. I know that this is not the time to get on social media. I ‌look and see how it is going for others, which can cause a pity party or going down a rabbit-hole and still my stress is there. During this hectic time, I choose to take some time and evaluate my path. Maybe I need a 5 minute time out, a hot bath, or chocolate. Whatever I do or how I handle my situation, it’s my way, and it is not wrong.

 

Ask for help:

This one is hard for me. I was brought up to just do it. Sometimes, I need outside help. Many times when others ask what they can do to help, I feel like it is my burden alone. This is where I usually pray for help and strength and sometimes that answered prayer is help from others. When help comes, I need to accept it and let people in to help. Battling my stress and crisis on my own is not a badge of honor. Reducing my stress helps me become a better mom and teacher.

 

Stress and crisis might show up at any time, but learning how to give yourself grace and work through it is the key to mental wellness.

 

Dawn Spence is a homeschooling mother of three who left her special education teaching career to stay home and teach her own children. She is a gifted instructor who has the ability to bring out the teacher in everyone, especially showing parents how to modify curriculum to meet the specific learning needs of their child. Dawn works as the SPED Homeschool Teaching Manager, coordinating blogging content with the SPED Homeschool partners and team members.

 

 

 


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building autism resilience blog image

By Dyana Robbins

Managing anxiety and sensory overload present a core challenge for those with autism and their caregivers.  These two obstacles can limit social engagement and successful navigation of social environments.  Below are six tips that have worked for  my family and others to help those affected by autism develop resilience in difficult situations.  When successful, these interventions open up a world of greater involvement and connectedness.

 1.  Identify and list contributing factors   

Identifying factors which contribute to autistic social difficulties may seem an easy task, but this first step is often challenging for families.  Sometimes, the stress of the difficulties or their frequency makes it difficult to think through these factors.  Other times, it seems impossible to determine the triggers.  

Either way, writing them down, keeping a journal and asking for others’ observations are simple steps caregivers can take to start identifying these factors.  Once you have developed a list, it becomes easier to clarify and organize the factors contributing to specific problems.

 2.  Determine the threshold for each difficulty 

Individuals affected by autism become overwhelmed when their tolerance threshold has been exceeded.  Where that threshold lies varies by activity, stimulus and individual differences.

For example, a person who seems overwhelmed by the wind may be able to tolerate a gentle breeze around buildings, but not at parks where it blows leaves around or causes tablecloths and awnings to flap.  Likewise, that person might enjoy the sensation of a gentle breeze when they are well-rested and relaxed but are unable to handle it when tired and stressed. 

As best you can, note the limits you observe.  The key in making these observations is to learn how much the person can tolerate BEFORE experiencing a meltdown. 

 

3.  Develop a plan for success in those challenging environments

 Borrowing heavily from  systematic desensitization principles, I have found success in helping others adapt to challenging environments and even overcoming them.  This involves the following components:

  • Allowing exposure to the stressors, but not to the point of overwhelming your loved one
  • Repeated, short exposures to the stressors without long periods between times (i.e. weekly or bi-weekly library visits or grocery store trips) until they have achieved mastery of them
  • Providing education and problem-solving, if appropriate, to equip them in the challenge (outside of the stressful environment)
  • Encouraging the child repeatedly before and during the stressful exposure of their ability to handle the situation
  • Assuring the individual you will leave as soon as they have tried their tools and/or their threshold has been met
  • Gradually extending the time in those situations as improvement is demonstrated
  • Reducing other stressful situations while targeting one

4.  Solicit their involvement/agreement if possible.

Even if your child is nonverbal, talking with them about your love and concern for them in these situations is vital.  Framing the plan you have developed as a tool to help them achieve greater social skill navigation. goes a long way in garnering their cooperation.  Talking about their struggle, and your desire to help them with it, demonstrates respect for them and encourages a teamwork dynamic. 

 

5.  Start by targeting the most troublesome barrier

In most families, there is one issue that rises above the rest.  If possible, I recommend working on that one barrier first to build momentum for success and to quickly reduce familial stress.  Perhaps it is sitting in church or being in groups of other children; whatever it is, get focused and marshal your energies to hit it first.  Let the other challenges take a backseat so you can work together on this one goal.

 

6.  Give grace, understanding, and compassion to one another

This process will not be easy.  You will need to rely on encouragement, and support from others as you grapple with these challenges.  Your family will also need to practice patience while giving grace for unmet goals and do-overs as you all adapt.  

For our family, having the prayers and help of friends while we tackled the hardest problems carried us through.   In that time, a couple of verses which encouraged me greatly were Genesis 33:13-14 .  In these verses, Jacob is leading his family and herds on a long journey.  They are stressed, tired and overwhelmed.  Jacob refuses to drive them too hard on the road, but to travel instead at the pace his family is setting.  

 

As you move forward in tackling issues with your child, I encourage you to let your loved one set the pace.  Challenge and support them.  Then, celebrate as the struggle gives way to greater confidence, skills, involvement, and hope. 

 


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