The “G” Factors of Childhood Depression

Posted on October 21, 2017February 25, 2020 by Peggy Ployhar

Peggy Ployhar

Once again, I am using a letter in the word “LIGHTS” to highlight this third post in this series. Today’s letter is “G” and the warning light subject we are going to address is Guilt, while the guiding light discussion will be focused on Grace.

Warning “G” – Guilt, and Continuing Shame

Guilt, if left to fester, can enslave anyone. The two most typical ways a child will be swallowed up with guilt is:

Reliving past mistakes or missed opportunities
Taking on responsibility for being abused or taken advantage of

David, in Psalm 38, perfectly describes what festering guilt can do to a person’s life:

“For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.” Psalm 38:4

Guilt Over Past Mistakes or Missed Opportunities

Children who place stiff requirements on themselves for how they are to perform, how they should be able to act, or even how others should perceive them often heap guilty burdens upon themselves without even knowing.

Parents who realize they have a child who struggles in this area needs to work very hard on being transparent with their own child of how they mess up as well as people their child admires. If a child can see how perfection is a facade and everyone, even the people whom they most admire, are fallible and miss saying or doing the right thing all the time, they are better able to set more realistic ideals for their own life.

Guilt Over Abuse/Bullying

On the other hand, children can also take on the guilt of someone else who has abused or mistreated them. This type of guilt, a child should not have any reason to take ownership of, but it’s often how most children who have been victimized react. Usually it is not enough for a child to be told that their assailant was in the wrong and they are not to blame because the root for their guilt lies deeper than those reassurances can reach.

Instead, a child needs to slowly heal through a repetitive forgiveness process…one that takes much work on the part of a parent, and sometimes a counselor. As a child lets go of the hurt little by little, the healing begins to repair their heart and heal their soul. Truly it is a work that God must be part of and it is not something to be rushed. In the end the goal is to help the child see the sin, heal from the hurt, forgive the person who hurt them, and eventually understand the purpose God had in allowing them to go through the experience AND the healing.

Guiding “G” – Grace of God

Being completely forgiven by the grace of God is sometimes a fact taken so simply by Christians that we often don’t break it down as we should so we can fully em

A method I developed to help myself and my boys when they were younger, is called the ABCD Grace Method. In using this method, my children and I learned not only to accept God’s grace for our shortcomings, but also how we must move forward freely in the grace God provides.

ABCD Grace Method

A – Accept

Accept that I am a sinner and that my sinful act was a result of my natural inclination to seek the things of the flesh instead of the things of God

B – Believe

Believe the work Jesus did on the cross, His perfect sacrifice and shedding of blood for my sins, was all that is necessary to wipe away my sin

C – Confess

Confess to God that I can’t do life on my own. I need Him and I need His forgiveness and I need His help as I keep on going

D – Decide

Decide to learn from my failure, move forward leaving the sin and guilt behind but taking forward the lesson God allowed me to learn about myself and the fallen world I live in

Silver Lining of Guilt and Grace

Learning to Give Grace

As a child, I was a perfectionist and I didn’t give myself any room for error. I constantly beat myself up with my thoughts and expectations for how I didn’t handle life as well as I felt I should have. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I first encountered the word grace and how God’s grace applied to me. I was overwhelmed at the idea that I had been perceiving life from the wrong perspective for so long.

Over the years I have learned not only give myself grace, but also give grace to others realizing they too suffer from the same sinful condition I do…and they too are just trying their best.

Burdened for a Purpose

As I look back at the contrast how living in guilt versus living in grace has affected my life, I realize how much lighter my life feels now. But, in carrying those guilt burdens for so many years, I know I can more greatly empathize with the great heaviness those without Jesus carry.

Be encouraged parents. Your child who is struggling with depression may not yet understand how much they need grace, but God will not allow them to carry their unnecessary guilt any longer than they need. His grace is freeing and it will come into their lives at just the perfect timing.

Links to all the blogs in this series:

Looking Into the Face of Childhood Depression

The “L” Factors of Childhood Depression

The “I” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “G” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “H” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “T” Factors of Childhood Depression

The “S” Factors of Childhood Depression

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Looking Into the Face of Childhood Depression

Posted on September 1, 2017September 3, 2020 by Peggy Ployhar

Peggy Ployhar

“It’s like God is a bird and He laid an egg, and that is me, and a snake has come and swallowed me up.”

This was the response given by my 6-year-old son, when I’d asked him what it was like to be him. The words he uttered cut straight to my heart. Even almost two decades later, that moment is seared in my memory.

It was tough enough realizing my son was struggling with depression at such a young age. But, what made the road ahead seem even more bleak, was since I had been his age I’d silently battled the same enemy.

My Own Struggle with Childhood Depression

My way of coping with my depression growing up was to mask it, try to fit in, and deal internally with the guilt and shame of always wishing my life would end. Growing up, my family was strict in their religious practices, and although it was never verbalized perfection was idolized.

The fact I didn’t measure up was always before me. No matter how hard I tried, my social inadequacies because of my autistic tendencies, constant anxiety and sensory issues were glaring evidence. In the face of my academic success, I was far from achieving sainthood.

Climbing Out of the Pit

I carried this guilt, shame, and striving for perfection into my young adulthood and early parenting years. My thinking had been off center so long, I didn’t even realize I had begun healing 6 years prior to my son’s admission.

My climb, out of the pit of depression towards recovery, had begun when I had accepted Jesus Christ into my life, allowing Him to heal my broken past. But, 6 years into this climb, I had only ascended far enough into the light to reveal how deep I still was in the pit.

My view was far from encouraging. And then, without warning, I found my son in the pit at my side. Hopelessness overwhelmed me. I did not understand how I was going to get my own self out. And now, I was tasked with helping my son to make the climb with me.

Series Highlighting Childhood Depression

There many lessons God taught me and my children as we battled against this silent enemy called depression. Depression is a subject few Christians want to publicly address, especially childhood depression. But, even though we tend to not talk about depression in children, the statistics are more alarming every year.

.For these reasons, we have posted a series about childhood depression, regarding the warning LIGHTS to be aware of and the guiding LIGHTS which lead to healing, joy, and the defeat of darkness

Links to All the Blogs in this Series

Looking Into the Face of Childhood Depression

The “L” Factors of Childhood Depression

The “I” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “G” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “H” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “T” Factors of Childhood Depression
The “S” Factors of Childhood Depression