Helping Teens with Autism Gain Independence
By Mary Winfield
Have you heard about Temple Grandin? If not, you should definitely learn more about her—she’s amazing. During a time when children with autism were often institutionalized, her mother refused to give up on her, even when doctors said Temple would never speak or function independently.
Because of her mother’s persistence, Temple went on to earn a Ph.D. in Animal Science and has become a worldwide advocate for autism awareness. If you’d like to learn more about her journey, HBO created an excellent movie about her life (available for free on Amazon Prime). She has also authored several books, including The Loving Push, co-written with Debra Moore, which I recently read.
This book is a must-read for parents of pre-teens and teenagers with high-functioning autism. It provides invaluable guidance on helping them become independent, successful adults. Topics include managing depression, addressing video game addiction, and preparing teenagers for driving. The book also shares real-life experiences from different families, making it a relatable and practical resource.
One of the most insightful parts of The Loving Push focuses on preparing teens for life after high school. The authors interviewed a college professor who has worked with many autistic students. He identified four key areas where they often struggle:
Household and Personal Care
Many autistic teens manage personal care and chores well at home because their parents remind them. However, they may not fully understand when or why tasks need to be done. For example, parents often tell their child when to shower, but they don’t always teach them how to recognize signs that indicate it’s time (e.g., greasy hair, body odor, or sweat from physical activity). Providing clear guidelines—such as how often to shower or when extra showers might be needed—can help them build independence.
The same applies to household chores. Teens might not notice when something needs cleaning, but explaining specific cues (e.g., “If the trash is full, take it out”) or setting a schedule helps them take responsibility.
Using Organizational Aids
Parents often structure the schedules and routines of autistic children, but it’s crucial to teach them how to organize their own tasks. Instead of overwhelming them with too many skills at once, focus on setting priorities and meeting deadlines.
Help your child practice by involving them in planning their homeschool curriculum or weekly schedule. Show them how to break goals into steps, create to-do lists, and decide what to tackle first. These executive functioning skills are essential for success in adulthood.
Asking for Help
The interviewed professor noted that many autistic students could complete their assignments if they simply asked for help. However, because they’re not accustomed to reaching out, they often assume they just “can’t do it” and give up.
Parents can model and encourage help-seeking behavior. Instead of always stepping in when your child struggles, teach them to ask for assistance. A great way to reinforce this skill is to introduce a mentor—someone they can turn to for guidance outside of their immediate family. This fosters independence while giving them a trusted resource to practice asking for help.
Maintaining a Stable Mood
Managing emotions and responding appropriately to challenges can be difficult for autistic teens. One strategy from The Loving Push is giving specific, meaningful feedback. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so kind,” say, “Helping me with the dishes was kind. It made me feel happy and proud of you.” This reinforces the behavior and its positive impact.
Additionally, teaching resilience is crucial. When your child experiences failure or frustration, remind them of their past successes and help them find solutions. Pointing out their strengths and acknowledging that everyone has weaknesses can provide perspective and encouragement.
The Loving Push: Encouraging Growth with Support
The book’s title perfectly captures the approach parents should take—gently but firmly pushing their child to step outside their comfort zone. Many autistic teens prefer routines and predictability, making it easy for them to avoid trying new things. It’s up to us to provide that “loving push” so they can build confidence and independence. With the right support and gradual encouragement, they can successfully transition into adulthood.
