Tag: relationships

Body, Mind, and Soul Care for Homeschool Parents

Posted on by SPED Homeschool

 

by Mandi Frost from My Life Coach 360

 

How much energy, zest or joy do you have on a scale of 1-10? 

What is stealing your joy?

 

Home schooling can be a lot for parents, in addition to all the other family responsibilities. 

Therefore, it’s important to evaluate what is good, better, or best with regards to taking care of your soul, mind, and body so you “finish the race well” with joy.

 

Your Soul:

What is best is your spiritual care and pointing your children to Christ as they also take care of their spiritual health.

It is GOOD that you are home educating your child and not relying on the state to educate them according to man’s philosophies and cultural beliefs.

It is BETTER to provide them with a curriculum from a Biblical worldview that points to Christ and the gospel and gives them a solid foundation, so they know how to defend their faith and find their identity in Christ.  

 

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” 1 Peter 3:15,16

 

It is BEST to teach them God’s absolute Truth so they are secure in what is True and not swayed by man’s ideas. Man’s “truth” does not exist because it is based on subjective truth, changing with the times AND because man is not inherently good, the nature of man.

 

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end, it leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me…” John 14:6

Jesus said, “No one is good—except God alone.” Mark 10:18b.

 

Only what God says is good and True is truly good because man is not inherently good. 

In the story of Mary and Martha, Jesus said: “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41,42


What do you and your children mostly need?

 

Your Mind:

The battle starts in the mind. Our beliefs, choices, deeds, actions, decisions start with a thought. Our minds reveal what’s in our hearts.

 

It is GOOD to keep young minds away from the indoctrination and secular ideology that twists scripture and Biblical principles about how we were created by God and how we are to live.

 

Help your child spot the many lies of this culture. For example: “follow your heart.” “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:9,10

 

When you “follow your heart,” you are following your own truth. 

 

It is BETTER to teach your child in the “Socratic method” of learning through coaching, curiosity, questions, and many conversations and discussions around relevant topics that builds trust, critical thinking and invites relationship.

 

It is BEST to train your child in how to renew their minds and change unhealthy behaviors so they will not conform to the ideas and “patterns” of this world and instead be transformed by Truth. Just because we think a thought, doesn’t make it true – we need to examine it and challenge it to align our thinking patterns with scripture. 

 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2: 

 

It is BEST to model the behavior you want to see in your children. By renewing your mind, God works through you as you show up calmer and respond in healthier ways, so your children trust you, feel safe to share with you, and build relationships and respect.  

 

What is God showing you? 

 

Your Body

Finding life balance in this busy and “disconnected tech world,” can be challenging for families.

 

It is GOOD to eat healthy meals and train children to do the same as they learn about natural foods with less sugar, chemicals, and processing. “God saw all that he had made, and it was good.” Genesis 1:29

 

It is BETTER to exercise and get enough sleep and care about your physical energy to be available and present just as you care about your children’s sleep, exercise, and energy levels.  

 

It is BEST to build balance in all areas of living – soul, mind, and body – for healthier and happier families.  

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mathew 11:28-30


His yoke. His timing. Lean on Him. Learn from Him.

 

As you rest in Him, only Christ can meet your deepest needs. Balance is knowing God`s BETTER – which is BEST – not what you may think is best.

 

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” Ecclesiastes 3: 1

 

What do you need to “take off your plate?”

 

Practical ideas to renew soul, mind, and body:


Disconnect to connect

  • Model being present with your children and tech intentional with your own device use. 
  • Decide on no-tech-zones (dinner table, bedroom, car etc) 
  • Schedule no tech days and let your child get bored to be creative and self-reflect

 

How many times do you look at your phone in a day?

Do you stop what you’re doing on your phone if a child needs your attention?


Journal and prayer

  • Taking time out in your day to self-reflect and pray will help you show up calm and think about conversations you need to have with your children. Time with the Lord helps you prepare for the day as you hear God’s still small voice.

 

How could you set aside time for this? 


Movement

  • Start with short spurts of 10-minute exercises (walks, stretches, weights, pushups, Pilates.) 

 

How could you schedule 10-minute gaps in your day, so you don`t forget?

What could you do together as a family?

 

Laugh, humor and play

  • Play with your child/teen–look through childhood pictures, build memories
  • Prioritize regular family times (as you would a business meeting) and get your children to take turns planning an event of laughter, board games, puzzles, reading together and others.

When was the last time you had a good laugh with your children?

 

Healthy meals and chores

  • Planning healthy family meals and sitting down at the dinner table to converse in conversations improves relationships. 
  • Cook extra food for a backup plan for busier days. Get the family involved in planning and cooking as you train them to contribute to family needs. 
  • Chores are family contributions and ways to serve one another.

 

Have you set up chore routines and do your children know exactly what they need to do?

 

Nurture Relationships

  • Speak your child’s love language and let them know yours for more connection.
  • See Gary Chapman’s book: The 5 Love languages.

 

What is your child’s expression of love?

When you lean into Jesus, you will find joy!  

 

Bio: Mandi Frost is a veteran home educator for over 25 years, Jesus follower, and an academic life coach to adolescents and coach to parents. She shows parents the exact coach training tools learnt in her professional training with the ICF (International Coach Federation). Mandi loves supporting parents in home schooling using coach strategies that transform family dynamics. Mandi and her husband are empty nesters and originally from South Africa and Zimbabwe. Having had to leave their home because of political unrest, they witnessed many miracles of His goodness and protection in Africa. Now living in Colorado Springs, Mandi loves reading, hiking, studying God’s word, and the outdoors.

 

 

 

 

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Your Greatest Homeschooling Superpower

Posted on by Peggy Ployhar
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Peggy Ployhar

 

One of the greatest misconceptions about teaching is that the power of education lies in the training of the individual or in the quality of the material used to teach a child. Even though both of these things would rank as highly important factors, the single most important has nothing to do with what our educational system has trained us to value most. Instead, it has to do with a very humble and natural homeschooling superpower any parent can draw from, the ability to care and to show those you are teaching you are committed to their learning process.

 

Over the years of consulting with homeschooling parents, I have found that when a parent has struggled most with teaching their student it has been because they needed to work less on the child’s education and more on the parent-child relationship. Take it from someone who knows. Because I started our homeschooling journey with parenting anger struggles , my homeschooling superpower was deeply buried. I was not set up for my optimal teaching effectiveness, so the ideas I have to share below are from my attempts to connect with my children.

 

“I have found that when a parent has struggled most with teaching their student it has been because they needed to work less on the child’s education and more on the parent-child relationship.“

 

Below are 5 ways you can strengthen your parent-child relationship, or homeschooling superpower, to increase your teaching effectiveness:

 

Listening Time

As a parent we often do most of the talking, but how much do we seek to actively listen to what our children want to say? Do we dig deep enough to learn what they are thinking about and why? Setting aside regular time to just listen to your children’s ideas and thoughts with probing questions that not only show you are listening but that you want to invest time into learning about the things that matter most to them.

If your child seems hesitant to answer your questions, one idea I found very helpful was to use puppets. My son responded well to puppets, and of all the puppets we had on hand, his favorite was Lamb Chop who was made famous by Sheri Lewis. For some reason, he opened up and shared his heart with this little lamb and this back and forth conversation became a regular part of our evening schedule.

 

Play Time

Playing with your children may come easily, or it may be an excruciating experience for you to even think about, but if you put your best foot forward to delve into one of your child’s favorite playtime activities the reward will be great.

Putting on those superhero costumes, playing hide-n-seek, taking time to build a fort and then spend the afternoon in it, or assembling Legos into engineering marvels speaks volumes to your child about the worthiness of their favorite activities as well as your approval of him/her and what he/she values.

 

Reading Time

While you may already read out loud with your children, you may not go any further than the text, or if you do then you may only ask your child about the story itself. I would suggest you go a step further and ask your child which character in the book they relate with the most and why. Ask them if they feel the character was treated as he/she thinks the character should have been treated and what led them to that conclusion.

As our family was preparing to move to a farm and was living for the summer in our travel trailer, we read the book Farmer Boy as a family in the evening. While the book itself was very intriguing for all of us to read together, it was the questions and discussions we shared after each chapter that drew us all closer together, as we shared our thoughts and dreams about the new life we were all about to embark on.

 

Shared-Activity Time

Sharing a common activity with your child creates an unbelievably tight bond. I have seen parents join martial arts classes, art classes, and computer classes with their children. The beauty of sharing an activity with your child is that these types of experiences have open ends for both of you and allows not only the opportunity to achieve new goals together but also commiserate about shared failures.

 

I started doing aerial silks with my daughter last year and will attest that a shared activity has greatly increased the bond between us. Our shared activity provides the two of us not only an activity we can do together but also a new topic to add to our day that allows us to connect at a different level than the typical parent-child conversation.

 

Travel Time

Time in the car, camper, plane, hotel, and rental house puts your child in a place that is out of their comfort zone, in a more confined space, and usually further away from their typical digital input than their normal. These times lend themselves to deep conversations, curated experiences, and building long-lasting memories.

 

A few years ago, I took a three and a half week trip cross-country with my daughter. We drove from Texas to Colorado, then to North Dakota, next to Minnesota, and from there we took a plane trip with my mother (all three Margaret’s – Margie, Maggie, and Peggy – to NYC to see the slights and a Broadway show) and finally drove back to Texas. That trip was a turning point in mine and my daughter’s relationship.

 

Any of these suggestions is a great place to start building your relationship with your child. I would suggest starting with one that would work best with your schedule right now, and then over time slowly adding others as opportunity allows. Most of all, enjoy the extra time you have been given to spend with your child. It is an incredible gift that will stretch you as well as bless you both!

 

 

 

 

 

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Integrity: Step 1 in Cultivating a Child’s Heart for Instruction

Posted on by Peggy Ployhar

 

By Peggy Ployhar

In my last article in this series, I stated, “Instilling truth into a child’s heart depends on how prepared his/her heart is to receive truth.” Therefore, my next six articles in this series will focus on practical ways to cultivate a child’s heart for truth. I will base everything I discuss in this cultivating section of the series upon the previous methods I have shared in the earlier articles of this parentinganger series.

My prayer is as we slowly work through each of these steps, you will find how practical and healing God’s way of handling our parenting anger can be when we use it towards building godly character in our children. Also, as you apply each of these cultivating steps, you will see how they work to bridge relational gaps that parenting anger may have created in your home. So, we start with ourselves: parental integrity.

Integrity and Trust
The reason I start with integrity is because a child only accepts a parent’s instruction as much as they can trust that parent. Also, integrity is essential in breaking the protective crust a child builds up when situations have trained them to distrust…which often happens when a child lives with a parent who has a short fuse.

If a child can trust their parent, they will gladly absorb what that parent has to teach. Everything we teach our children hinges upon how much they trust us. If we cannot work on this basic foundation of our relationship with our child, much of our homeschooling and parenting instruction will be for naught. We are also more likely to see our children look to other places for truth instead of looking to us. Over time the relationships we were hoping to so tightly control with our misdirected anger will be the first things we lose the ability to influence.

An Integrity Check
A person of integrity is someone who can be trusted to do what they say they will do. They are not someone who uses excuses and their actions and lives are aligned with the priorities they say they value. Day in and day out, no matter what, a person with integrity can be trusted. This doesn’t mean they are perfect, but it means they are trying all the time.

Let me ask you, is this how your children see you? Do you live in a manner consistent with your public persona? Or, do you change your character once you get behind closed doors or within the sanctuary of your home and family?

Children will determine how trustworthy their parents are based on what they see them do and how they live either according to their word or apart from it. What a parent says about who they are holds negligible weight if it differs from how their child sees them behave.

Reversing Your Parental Integrity
As a young parent, I did a very poor job of establishing integrity with my children. My anger was the biggest obstacle to developing integrity with my children because while I would tell them I loved them, I would not act in accordance with my words when I blew my top.

As I started sorting out my anger issues, I made a concerted effort to build up my integrity in the eyes of my children. To do this, I first created a mantra, “I love you no matter what.” And then I lived it out, by God’s grace, one day at a time…praying a lot along the way. I followed the process of taking steps to work through my anger episodes just as I talked about in the previous articles in this series (see the listing below at the bottom of this article).

My oldest son tested this fresh approach more than his siblings because he and I shared many ugly battles where I could not keep my integrity in check. Yet, every time he pushed me, I followed the pattern of identifying my trigger, keeping myself busy and praying, looking for God’s escape door, shifting my focus, and seeking the lessons that needed teaching while telling him, “I love you no matter what.”

I wish I could say my son started believing me right away, but it took months of repeating this cycle and him testing the boundaries of my ability to act towards him just as I said I would. But then the day came and the memory of this transformation in his heart still brings tears to my eyes.

It was a beautiful summer day, and we were outside playing in the yard when my son again tested my integrity boundaries. I can’t even remember what he did, but what I remember was what he did and said after I told him, “I love you no matter what,” and followed through with my anger in check.

He put his chubby hands on his hips and looked straight into my eyes and said to me, “You really mean it don’t you?” From that day on things changed in how I could speak into my son’s life. No, he didn’t stop testing my boundaries, but he started trusting me.

I encourage you if you feel like all hope is lost with your children because of your past inability to handle your anger. There is a way to repair those relational gaps and instilling integrity is the first step in the healing process.

Stay Connected with SPED Homeschool
Next time I will talk about authority and how to practically work on establishing a godly form of authority in your home that will strengthen the integrity bridge you are working on.

Until then please make sure to connect with us at SPED Homeschool on our  weekly live Facebook broadcast, in our support tribes , or by emailing us with any questions you would like to have us help you walk through as you homeschool your child with special educational needs.

 

 

Check out all of the articles in this series: 

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