5 Character Traits Confident Teens Should Know

Posted on June 16, 2021June 8, 2021 by SPED Homeschool

by Vicki Tillman, SPED Homeschool Partner 7 Sisters Homeschool

Confident teens are often teens that have had character development as part of their homeschool high school experience. One of the most confidence-enhancing, character-development subjects is training teens to be ladies and gentlemen.

Teens who can walk into numerous social, business, church, or family settings and conduct themselves well are empowered to do good and feel good. Here are five kinds of character development for training teens to be ladies and gentlemen:

Social graces. High school is a great time to review basic manners for teens to look and feel good about themselves.

Saying *Please* *Thank you*
Holding doors open for others, or walking through a held door and saying *thank you*
Not pushing ahead of others in lines or going down halls/aisles
Allowing elderly or little ones to go first
Using technology politely when in a group
Meeting new people

Self-composure. Teens feel better about themselves when they can keep their cool, especially in public. (It is the fruit of the spirit, too.) Teens need to be skilled at the 3W’s of composure:

What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling that way?
What am I going to do about it?

Assertiveness. Colossians 4:6 instructs our teens to let their speech be with grace, seasoned with salt, that they may know how to answer every person. Teens feel more confident when they know when to be quiet and when to assert or stand up for themselves. Just like the best role model, Jesus- sometimes he held his peace, sometimes he called Pharisees *white-washed sepulchers*. Check out The Homeschool Highschool Podcast on Christ-like Character for ideas on assertiveness.

Look out for those who are weaker. One of the loveliest things I’ve seen in our local homeschooling community is the kind and inclusive treatment of young people with differences or disabilities. I remember a letter one young woman on the autism spectrum wrote to our homeschool group classes thanking the umbrella school for the feelings of acceptance she received. Our local kids are naturally kind, but they were also coached on accepting and supporting, never mocking, other students.

Prayer. Prayerful teens (and adults) are usually more in touch with Christ and Christ-like behavior. For teens who are tired of the prayers of their childhood, it might be good to let them discover some interactive ways to pray using 7Sisters prayer journals.

These are good years to invest in your teens’ confidence by investing in character development by training them to be ladies and gentlemen.

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What I Learned from Undeserved Kindness and Understanding

Posted on June 2, 2021May 26, 2021 by SPED Homeschool

by Monica Irvine, from The Etiquette Factory, SPED Homeschool Curriculum Partner

“How dare you think that you can teach character!” was a comment left by a parent on our Facebook page. “Ouch,” I thought.

But, I know that we can – I can, you can, we all can. If any parent is under the illusion that only they can teach their child character, well, I think that’s sad.

As a child, I was taught character by many people – my parents and other adults. There were two common factors in those who were successful in slowly, gradually, but steadily, improving my character: patience and love.

I know this truth: you cannot help others improve their character unless they know that you love them beyond a shadow of a doubt. Unless we know that someone loves us and has our best interest at heart, it is difficult for us to soften our hearts toward them enough to allow them to influence our character and moral compass. It always starts and ends with love.

When I was in the 4th grade, I cheated on a social studies test. My teacher, Mr. Luckett, picked up my test and saw the notes I had hidden under my test. He asked what they were, but I lied and said I didn’t know they were on my desk. He just nodded and kept moving. You see, Mr. Luckett was my favorite teacher. I was lost in his class and struggled to learn, but he was always kind. Honestly, I struggled in many of my classes. After class that day, he never said a word, and I moved to my English class.

I felt consumed with guilt by the time I got to my English class. During English class, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went up to my teacher, tears streaming down my face, and told her that I needed to talk to Mr. Luckett. She walked me down to his class and asked him to come out into the hallway, where I gathered the courage through many tears and heaving breaths to confess my betrayal of his confidence.

Later in the day, when I was calmer, he came and walked me to an empty gym (a female teacher accompanied us). He invited me to sit down on the bleachers and asked me why I felt the need to cheat. I don’t remember what I said but, I do remember how I felt. I knew he cared about me. He reminded me of that through his words and the way he spoke to me. I decided at that moment that I never wanted to feel like that again. I didn’t like how it felt disappointing someone whom I respected.

He helped develop my character because instead of condemnation, he sought understanding. He taught me other options I could do when I felt overwhelmed or lost in my classes. He reminded me that I was a good girl and that he knew I was good. He reminded me that he had confidence in me and my mistake did not represent who I was. He accepted my behavior as a mistake, not a representation of me. That was huge for me.

Parents, hopefully, our children will be surrounded by people who have their best interests at heart. How do we teach character to our children and other children that we come into contact with? We remember a few things:

Showing every child that they are valued and loved by the way we speak to them and treat them.
Never allowing a child’s mistake to become the focal point of who they are. We do this by never saying things like, “You are dishonest” or “You are selfish”. Instead, we might say, “That was a dishonest answer” or “That was a selfish decision.”
Continuously showing each child how much we believe in them and their ability to make good choices by being their biggest cheerleader. We do this by saying things such as, “I know it’s difficult but I believe in you” or “I love how you are always striving to make the right choice, even though it’s painful to do so sometimes,” etc.
Reminding ourselves that it’s difficult to always make the right choice. You and I don’t make the right choice each day, and neither will our children. But, we can learn from our wrong choices and give each other and ourselves more grace.

Yes, character can be taught. It is best taught by example. One thing that cripples too many parents’ ability to influence their children is when there is hypocrisy between what they tell their kids to do and what they do themselves. Children are so smart. For them to respect us enough to listen to us, they have to believe that we, too, are trying our best to live what we profess to believe.

Developing character is a life-long journey, not a race. We are on the same journey as our children, trying to be a little better today than we were yesterday. Some days we do better than other days. May we never give up on ourselves or anyone else. Just keep going.

For resources to help you teach the skills of character, good manners, and life skills, please visit our website at www.TheEtiquetteFactory.com.

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More than Academics: Rethinking All Aspects of Your Homeschool Day

Posted on March 24, 2021March 19, 2021 by Jan Bedell

By Jan Bedell, Ph.D., Master NeuroDevelopmentalist, SPED Homeschool Board Member & Partner

Documentation of your daily efforts to homeschool a child with special needs can seem tricky. Each state has its own requirements, so you have to stay abreast of that, of course. Beyond that, you need a system that can easily assure you – and well-meaning relatives – that the best education possible is happening for your child.

Remember Homeschool Is the Best Place for Your Child!

In a public school, your child would have an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan). That plan would put in place modifications and recommendations for more individualized instruction and traditionally only includes academics. What could be more individualized than a parent who understands their child better than anyone in the world and can modify on the fly for academics and life-skills? The answer: NOBODY! A motivated, informed parent is the best advocate for successfully educating a child with special needs, but progress for a child that learns differently is sometimes hard to document.

Be Creative with Your School Day!

Depending on the severity of the developmental, academic, or intellectual delay, your school day will look different. It is not like a typical student where you show how many pages were completed in a given period. At Brain Sprints, we encourage our families to use a detailed checklist where each item for the day can be easily checked off for documentation of work done with the child. The list would include non-traditional school activities like how many times a day you work together on auditory or visual processing (short-term memory). Or what work you did to normalize the tactile system with specific stimulation. Or activities that would organize the lower levels of the brain for better coordination as well as organized thought. Each checkmark is a step in the right direction for the functional ability of the child and should be celebrated. These activities can be more important than completing a particular page or reading that is done each day. Academics can be on the checklist, too, but addressing the root of the challenges a child faces is even more strategic. The list can quickly help you see where you need to focus more or just a reminder of progress, even if it may not be evident to others yet.

Plan for Interruptions

Checklists can be divided into two different lists. One list consists of the activities and/or academics you do with the child. We call it the Daily Parent/Child Conference list. The other list is the activities the child can do independently called My Responsibilities. These lists can keep you both focused and productive each day. When there is an interruption, you can say, “Work on your My Responsibility list while I do x, y, z.” This can keep the progress for the day going when those inevitable interruptions happen. The My Responsibility list can also give the child some say in their day. He/she can decide what gets done first, second, or third instead of someone else dictating every step, which is important for maturity and self-reliance. We often find that if the child has some say in what is happening, there is more compliance. Also, the My Responsibility list helps with accountability and motivation.

Life Skills Are Work, too!

Don’t be shy about documenting life skills like learning to wash hair, cooking, making a bed, or tying shoes. These may be just as important or even more strategic to your child’s future as anything else in the educational plan. If you document it, you will feel better about your time spent each day. You are making a difference!

For more information about a neurodevelopmental approach to homeschool: www.BrainSprints.com

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What is Motor Planning? Four Ways to Incorporate Activities in Your Day

Posted on October 7, 2020October 6, 2020 by SPED Homeschool

by Sarah Collins – SPED Homeschool Partner, Colins Academy Therapy

Motor planning is the ability to conceive, plan, and carry out a new motor act. My favorite example is curling your hair with a new curling iron using a mirror. Upon first glance, it is somewhat disorienting. You have to consciously think about which way to move the arm, practice, and then can typically create a beautiful hairstyle. For some, this comes easily, but for others, it takes additional practice and deliberate, conscious planning.

Within the homeschool day, difficulties with motor planning can manifest themselves in many different ways. However, activities to address these skills can be fun and easy to incorporate. Here are my top four ways to incorporate these skills throughout the day.

Meal Times

Breakfast is a great time to start independent meal preparation. Place ingredients in easy-to-handle containers, like cereal in a small container with milk poured in a separate cup. This gives independence within a skill level. Cracking eggs using the correct amount of pressure or stirring without sloshing are two other areas we have encouraged independence by placing bowls within a sink or using huge bowls to whisk small amounts. As kids become more proficient, these safeguards are changed then removed.

Outside

Spending lots of time outside not only allows for nature study and other free play, but it encourages children to engage their bodies in a natural environment. They have to take risks to climb a tree, change their footing when going down a hill or when balancing on a rock. As parents and home educators, we often don’t want to let our children fall or fail. However, independently coming up with a movement, completing the movement, and then self-evaluating are all aspects of motor planning that require risk-taking and permission to fail.

Obstacle Courses

Obstacle courses are another favorite of mine to encourage motor planning. Sometimes, I give specific ideas for the course while other times I tell them to make it up on their own.

Games

Finally, here is a list of fantastic games that incorporate motor planning.

1. Simon Says
2. Robot Turtles
3. Kids Charades
4. Left Right Center
5. Jenga

Part of the reason that I love being an occupational therapist consulting with homeschoolers is that it allows me to explain my thinking behind what we do at home with our kids while influencing other families. Even during a global pandemic, it has allowed me to continue to combine both of my passions and keep my brain working!! Please contact Collins Academy Therapy Services for a personal consultation about incorporating these strategies into your homeschool.

This was originally published on Sarah’s website as Motor Planning Strategies in the Homeschool.

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High School Life Skill Assessments Parents Can Administer

Posted on May 27, 2020April 15, 2023 by Peggy Ployhar

Peggy Ployhar

When I talk about transition planning for high schoolers, one of the first things I tell parents is that a good assessment can help you hone in on those skills your student needs most to work on, thus saving you both a lot of time and frustration as you plan for a smooth post-high school transition.

Here are the top 3 assessments I recommend for determining a student’s independent life skills:

#1 – Casey Independent Living Skills (CLS) Assessment

The Casey Independent Living Skills Assessment is a free online test anyone can use to gauge independent living skills for students between the ages of 14 to 21. This test covers “the following areas: Maintaining healthy relationships, work and study habits, planning and goal-setting, using community resources, daily living activities, budgeting and paying bills, and computer literacy.”

The site also states that the test “typically will require 30 – 40 minutes to complete the CLSA” and “answers are available instantly for you to review with the youth in a strength-based conversation that actively engages them in the process of developing their goals.”

To learn more and access the CLS assessment, visit the Casey website to access the assessment practice guide as well as a 60-page resource guide that’s filled with specific goals based on testing results as well as helpful resource links to use when working with your student to achieve specific goals visit this page on their website Casey Life Skills Toolkit – Casey Family Programs

#2 – PEATC Life Skills Checklist

The PEATC Life Skills Checklist is a 7-page checklist that can help transition students (14-22), their families, and any homeschool IEP Team track independent living/life skills. To access the checklist, visit PEATC Life Skills Checklist

#3 – Transition Coalition Inventory Independent Living Assessment Tool

The Transition Coalition Inventory Independent Living Assessment Tool is a free downloadable inventory tool to access independent living skills is not only an assessment tool but was also designed to help to create ”a transition plan according to the student’s capability.”

The inventory covers the following areas: “Money management and consumer awareness, food management, personal appearance and hygiene, health, housekeeping, housing, transportation, educational planning, job skills, emergency and safety skills, knowledge of community services, interpersonal skills, legal issues, and parenting and childcare.” To access this inventory and assessment tool, visit this link on the Transition Coalition’s website Microsoft Word – Independent Living Postsecondary Goal Decision Assistance Form1.doc (transitioncoalition.org)

In general, the Transition Coalition is an amazing resource for families who have special education learners in high school. Their website includes training, resources, and tools for families to help students with various transition needs to plan for their post-high school goals.

Interested in learning more about homeschooling your special education learner through high school? Check out our High School Checklist for more information on how to homeschool special education high school.

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Teaching Life Skills in Your Special Needs Homeschool

Posted on August 21, 2019August 21, 2019 by Penny Rogers

Penny Rogers

In the flurry of therapy, homeschool, and general life needs, life skills are one of those things that often get pushed to the back burner, even though we know we need to teach them. If we’re being completely honest, it’s simply easier to do it ourselves than it is to teach our kids how to do it. But helping our kids to achieve things will not only keep them safe, but it will also give them the confidence to try new things.

“Everyone wants a meaningful job or purpose. It’s basic human nature. Letting them be responsible for as much of their own care as they can, gives your child purpose and confidence.”

Teaching Life Skills for Long Term Rewards

Here in Autismland,we believe that the more Logan knows how to care for himself, the safer he is when he’s not in our presence. While we are blessed that Logan will be able to live at home during his adult life, there will come a day when we are not here to care for him. He will need to live either with his sister or in a group home. In this instance, the more life skills he has mastered, the less he has to depend on someone to help him. Knowing life skills will protect him from being victimized by someone who may not have his best interests at heart. It will also make it far easier on his sister should she become his caregiver. Though teaching f life skills may be more work right now, learning life skills pays off in the long term.

Teaching Life Skills to Build Confidence

Even without the long term in mind, teaching life skills helps boost a child’s confidence. That one facet cannot be stressed enough. As our children grow into adulthood, they want to contribute to something. They want to take care of their own needs. They want to be a meaningful member of the family. These are things we all want. Having special needs doesn’t change that for anyone. Everyone wants a meaningful job or purpose. It’s basic human nature. Letting them be responsible for as much of their care as they can, gives your child purpose and confidence.

Tips and Resources for Teaching Life Skills

How does one teach life skills? The key is to pick one skill at a time. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself or your child.

Teach your daughter how to brush her hair.
Teach your son how to brush his teeth.
Teenagers can learn how to shave or how to take care of their menstrual needs.

Basic life skills are always a great place to start and life-changing for the entire family dynamic.

One resource we have used and often recommend is Skill Treklife skills curriculum. It has over 500 skills to work on and allows you to place your child at their developmental level, not their chronological age.

I love it because it gives me a plan that didn’t have to come from my often overworked brain.
It has all the steps listed out to teach it along with videos. Seriously, sometimes mama needs it spelled out for her.
It guarantees that I will work on it and not put it on the back burner while I try to plan some Pinterest worthy lesson.

Skill Trek helps me teach my kids, special needs or not, basic life skills as well as skills I would not have thought to teach them (like how to change a windshield wiper.)

It doesn’t matter how you teach life skills to your special needs kids; it only matters that you do teach them. The benefits far outweigh the tediousness, the inconvenience, or the aggravation.

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How to Use “Loving Pushes” to Prepare Your Teenager for Adulthood

Posted on May 23, 2018December 26, 2019 by Mary WInfield

By Mary Winfield

You have heard about Temple Grandin, right? If not, study up! She is amazing. During a time where children with autism were institutionalized, her mother refused to give up on her even when doctors told her Temple would never speak or function independently.

Because of her mother’s persistence, Temple now has her Ph.D in Animal Sciences and works world-wide doing autism advocacy. If you want to learn more about her life, HBO did an excellent movie (it is also free to watch on Amazon Prime). She has written several books, but the one I read most recently is called The Loving Push with Debra Moore as her co-author.

This entire book is dedicated to helping parents help their children with high functioning autism learn to become independent and successful adults. There is so much good information in this book, I highly encourage parents of teens or pre-teens to read it. It discusses dealing with depression in teens with autism and dealing with video game addictions. It also talks about preparing teenagers to drive. It follows several different families with their experiences and lessons.

The part of the book that I want to focus on in this article is preparing teenagers for their post high school lives. In, The Loving Push, they interviewed a college professor who had worked with many different students on the spectrum, and he gave 4 areas where he sees the most struggle when students come to his college: household and personal care, using independent organizational aids, asking for help, and keeping a stable mood.

Household and Personal Care
The professor reference in the book The Loving Push said that most of these teens do fine with household chores and personal care when they are at home because their parent reminds them. Their parent will tell them it is time to shower, but then doesn’t teach them how often they need to shower or teach them to look for signs of dirty/sweaty skin, greasy hair, or body odor as indicators that they need to shower. Teaching them how often to shower (and giving them examples of when to shower more frequently ex: if you are involved in sports or physical exercise) will help them be able to duplicate it on their own.

The same goes for household chores. They may not notice when something needs to be done, but explaining things to look for or even telling them how often chores are typically done will give them concrete guidelines to follow on their own.

Independent Organizational Aids
Sometimes we try to teach too many things at once. Stepping back and thinking about a lesson’s goal and focusing on the goal instead of trying to group multiple skills will help a child learn quicker. Sometimes we may just need to focus on making a list of things to do and how to decide what to do next.

Talk about deadlines and consequences for not meeting deadlines. The ability to prioritize oftentimes is more important than what is actually on the list. Learning to prioritize and complete tasks is something parents often do for children with autism in setting schedules and routines. Helping them to master this skill for themselves is a necessary skill if they are going to be successful on their own. We can do this by having them help us create their homeschool curriculum and plan out the day and week. Talk with them about making a goal and then setting up steps to reach that goal. These are life skills that will follow them forever.

Asking for Help
The college professor they interviewed also said he saw so many students who could have done the assignments if they had asked for a little help, but they didn’t think to reach out and ask. Instead, they would try to accomplish the task on their own, and when they hit a roadblock, their conclusion reached was they just couldn’t do it. They opted to leave the assignment undone because asking for help wasn’t something they were used to doing.

Parents of autistic children often offer our help their child when he/she is struggling instead of teaching the process of asking for help. Another way to work on this skill is to enlist the help of a mentor for your child. This person becomes someone they learn to reach out to for help and guidance that isn’t constantly around them. This will further help them to practice the skill of asking for help instead of giving up on something.

Stable Mood
Having a positive mindset and reacting proportionately to situations can sometimes be a struggle for our children. One tip discussed in the book is to help them know how to duplicate good behavior and a positive mindset by giving specific and positive feedback. Temple says saying things like, “You are so kind” won’t hold very much meaning for teens on the spectrum. Saying, “Helping me with the dishes was so kind. It made me feel happy and proud of you” instead will help them to know what constitutes being kind, how it makes someone else feel, and incentive to repeat the behavior.

Furthermore, helping a child with autism remember that one failure or setback isn’t permanent and doesn’t mean they can’t be successful in the future is important. Reminding them of past successes when they suffer a setback and talking about solutions to their current problem will help them learn to persist through a struggle. If they struggle in one area, showing them their whole life is not a failure by reminding them of the areas they accel is also important. Be sure to show them strengths and weaknesses in other people as well.

“The Loving Push”
The title of the book explains to us how we need to approach preparing teenagers to be adults. Our kids are more likely to just want to stay in their routines and scripts instead of venturing out and trying new things. That means that we have to be the ones who give them a push out of their comfort zone and make them try new things. Giving them these pushes in a loving way so they know they have a safe place with lots of support will help give them the confidence to try new things in the future and transition into adulthood successfully.