And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9
by Daria Danielson, SPED Homeschool community member
I went through a summer where every thought of the upcoming homeschool year was filled with dread. I put myself together as the weeks progressed and readied myself for my son’s 8th-grade year. The first week did not go well, and the second and the third weeks were stressful for both of us. The dread overcame me each Sunday night for the week to come and each evening for the day to come. I was in a bad place in my head and did not know what to do, so I laid my concerns, troubles, fears, complaints, and desperate pleas at the feet of Jesus with confession and wrestling. I confessed that this was impossible for me and that I was not designed for this. I confessed I could not do it, and if the Lord wanted me to do it, He would have to do it ALL.
How many failures do I have to have? How many fears? How stuck do I need to be? How many sins? How much hypocrisy and discontent do I need to have before I lay my concerns, fears, and frustrations down at the feet of Jesus Christ? The following discusses details of a few incidents where confession took place which eventually gave way to victory in Jesus.
Surrounded by my family all day can result in words that are spoken, intentionally and unintentionally, that hurt feelings – including my own. One day I took the time to sit and think about why I was responding defensively on a subject and discovered that the reason for my defensive responses was that my pride was hurt. I was then able to bring my discovery of this to Jesus’s feet and repent of my pride and self-love. Much personal healing and victory have resulted from this discovery. Now, I talk with my children about pride and how it was so sneaky so they, too, can begin to look out for sneaky pride and self-love in their communication with others. Satan hates to be discovered and called out.
Assuming I am not the only mom in the whole wide world that has this problem, I will venture to confess the burden of my failure to learn has been consistent. Yet while I write this, memories and thoughts of my annoyances with my children for not paying attention, forgetting, being lazy, and disobeying flood my mind. I have to say that I am so glad that God does not treat me with as much intolerance, irritability, and impatience as I have treated my children. He is a kind, patient, and gentle Savior. I am no longer afraid to tell my children what areas I failed at as a kid. If I have to point out a sin of theirs and discuss it with them, it has been helpful to take a turn and confess my sins, too. It helps to be familiar with myself and my sins since I am no better than my child in God’s eyes. It has opened up more communication between the children and me.
First, it started with an offense by a neighbor. Then, it grew in my mind to proportions that brought me to anger and bitterness. It was becoming burdensome to me as well as my friends. Even my teenage child noticed it was becoming a problem, so I confessed these before the Lord. I wrestled with the Lord because I knew I wanted to harbor my bitterness and anger but was not supposed to. There was difficulty in the work of exposing the sin and continuing to go to God, who is the only one who could free me from Satan’s stronghold and my desire to keep my pride and self-righteousness. It was worth the struggle because not only did God deal with my anger and bitterness, but He also revealed a more hidden sin which was that of discontent. I did not like how God allowed things to occur in my life (the offense by a neighbor) and that I was unhappy that things didn’t go my way. I discovered the more concealed sin that, bluntly put, was shaking my fist at God as if I knew better than God.
THE WORLD CAN WAIT!
Our children benefit a thousand times over if only we afford to step away and acknowledge the evil tendencies in our nature, spill out our concerns and fears, and run to a kind Savior that awaits our pathetic pleas. Unspeakable joy, light, fellowship, and open discussion with the children have been a wonderful result of this exercise of privately confessing and laying out all concerns, fears, hurts, and pain before great God.
The dread-filled summer and school year of my son’s 8th-grade year were not fun at the time; however, it marked the beginning of an awesome and amazing journey of brokenness, submission, secret confession, faith, and fellowship with our humble Savior.
Dear sisters, I cannot emphasize the wonderful salve a dear Savior applies to homeschool moms that cannot help but notice their secret sins mid-day and keep them captive until able to rush to the throne by laying them at the feet of Jesus with confession and wrestling! Too much joy is hidden, too much healing delayed, too much victory unseen, too much praise stifled when my sins are dismissed and not soon called out, caught, called by name, and confessed before God.