By Dawn Spence, SPED Homeschool Teaching Manager

 

Homeschooling is a great path to spending time with your family and loved ones. It can be hectic at times with lots to do and it can be peaceful at times. I have been on both sides of the coin. Some years are outright crazy and stressful. What do you do when life hits you with stress, illness, or both? This is when I feel like my teaching goes out the door, which stresses me out even more. How do you homeschool when everything is insane? The word that comes to my mind this year is grace. I have found four things that have given me perspective when dealing with illnesses in our home when I am the primary caregiver and teacher.

 

Look at what you can let go of:

I am type A personality, that likes all my ducks in a row, and this year my ducks aren’t in the same pond, let alone in a row! While focusing on my non-negotiables, I have learned to ease up on some subjects. I feel more pressure with a high school student to keep him on track, but even his schooling can take some breaks within limits. I can do less math for one week and assign more the next or assign fewer problems if he is understanding the lesson. This is where I am glad that we school in the summer, as that releases some of my mom guilt and pressure. 

 

Learn to be flexible: 

If things are chaotic and I lose my bearings, my children will still look to me for some stability. The best gift I can give my kids is the lesson that life is something that can not be predicted. We might wake up and because of unforeseen circumstances, our day takes a different turn. This life skill, of being able to adapt in the situation and not crater when an illness or stress comes on, can not be taught in a textbook. Honestly, this year I have been tested in this very area and some days I do better than others. If I don’t succeed, I need to grant myself grace.

 

Pick your path:

The biggest thing I need to remember in stressful times and in the chaos is that this is my journey and my path. Comparing myself to others, especially during a crisis, just causes me more stress. I know that this is not the time to get on social media. I ‌look and see how it is going for others, which can cause a pity party or going down a rabbit-hole and still my stress is there. During this hectic time, I choose to take some time and evaluate my path. Maybe I need a 5 minute time out, a hot bath, or chocolate. Whatever I do or how I handle my situation, it’s my way, and it is not wrong.

 

Ask for help:

This one is hard for me. I was brought up to just do it. Sometimes, I need outside help. Many times when others ask what they can do to help, I feel like it is my burden alone. This is where I usually pray for help and strength and sometimes that answered prayer is help from others. When help comes, I need to accept it and let people in to help. Battling my stress and crisis on my own is not a badge of honor. Reducing my stress helps me become a better mom and teacher.

 

Stress and crisis might show up at any time, but learning how to give yourself grace and work through it is the key to mental wellness.

 

Dawn Spence is a homeschooling mother of three who left her special education teaching career to stay home and teach her own children. She is a gifted instructor who has the ability to bring out the teacher in everyone, especially showing parents how to modify curriculum to meet the specific learning needs of their child. Dawn works as the SPED Homeschool Teaching Manager, coordinating blogging content with the SPED Homeschool partners and team members.

 

 

 


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By Peggy Ployhar, SPED Homeschool Founder & CEO

 

As we are moving from a knowledge-hungry world to one that is saturated with information, I tell parents, now, more than ever before that it is less important to teach our children lots of memorized facts and more important to teach them how to discern information with wisdom. For this reason, our educational approaches at home need to change so our children are equipped with the ability to discern right from wrong and truth from lies.

 

“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ…”

Philippians 1:9-10

 

Yes, this truth from Philippians 1 has been my prayer for my own children and for you and your children as well. How do we make this shift and how do we teach discernment? 

 

Here are 5 simple tips for adjusting your homeschooling approach to teach discernment in an information saturated world:

 

Talk it Out

Talking with our children and teaching them that there is a foundational and God-established form of truth, in God’s word, lived out through examples of faithful Christian, and within historical documents based on a biblical foundation is something that we should talk about in our homes all the time and reminding our children of when we do our daily lesson. Just taking the time to talk about truth helps children to be aware of its existence and its importance as a basis for knowledge and discernment.

 

Live it Out

Our children learn more through how we live verses from what we say. It is extremely important that they see us seeking truth and basing our decisions on truth if we want them to do the same. Therefore, as parents we need to value discernment in our own lives if we want our children to value it enough to pursue it, use it, and live by it.

 

Point it Out

Everywhere we turn, there are examples we can pull from to point out discernment, or lack thereof, to our children. In family relationships, movies, books, social media posts, world events, and so many other things. We need to take advantage of these opportunities and point out how others are using, or not using, discernment, so our children can gain a greater understanding of this concept and how it is experienced in everyday life.

 

Call it Out

As your children make daily decisions based on the information they are processing, they will practice discernment. When they use good discernment, call it out and commend them for using it to make a wise decision. When they fail to use discernment, call it out and help them to see how their lack of discernment led to a less desirable outcome than if they had used discernment in that situation. Instructing your child based on their own life circumstances helps them to internalize the need to apply this discipline to work against their natural tendencies to believe and follow faulty thinking.

 

Pray it Out

Praying for our children to use discernment, to live by discernment, and seek the help of the Holy Spirit to see truth and “the way they should go” in every situation, is important at every stage of their education. Teaching our children and parenting them in truth have a limited range in our children’s lives, but God’s range to reach them, teach them, and guide them is boundless. Bring your request that your child live a discerning life before the Lord. This is a prayer He desires to answer.

 

I am praying with you and for you and your children in accordance with this truth from Isaiah 11 as you pursue to teach discernment and live by it in your homes empowered by God’s Spirit:

 

“The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him,

The Spirit of wisdom and understanding,

The Spirit of counsel and might,

The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord.

His delight is in the fear of the Lord,

And He shall not judge by the sight of His eyes,

Nor decide by the hearing of His ears;”

Isaiah 11:2-3

 

Peggy Ployhar is the Founder & CEO of SPED Homeschool as well as the host of the weekly live broadcast, Empowering homeschool Conversations that you can watch on the SPED Homeschool YouTube channel or download from your favorite podcasting platform.

 

 

 

 


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by Natalie Vecchione, from FASD Hope

 

Note–I’m writing this article as a parent advocate. I am not a medical professional nor a clinical  expert. I am not providing any medical or legal advice and I do not intend this to replace clinical or medical counsel. This post is for informational purposes only. This post does not take the place of professional counseling or medical help. 

 

Since 1949, May has been established as Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness about mental health, provide support, fight stigma and advocate for the millions of children, teens, and adults with mental illnesses (source NAMI.com). Mental Health is critical to overall health. Just as you would not let an individual with diabetes or asthma go untreated, it’s important to seek evaluation, treatment, and accommodations of those with mental health disorders.  

 

Children and youths with complex needs are those between the ages 5-21 who have both a developmental or intellectual disability and a mental health diagnosis. The prevalence of those with both a developmental disability (DD) or intellectual disability (ID) and a mental health diagnosis is much higher than you might expect. A conservative estimate of those with both a DD or ID and a mental health diagnosis is between 32-50% (socialworktoday.com). Also of note, the CDC estimates 1 in 6 children aged 2-8 years old has a mental, behavioral or developmental disorder and those statistics increase as children become adolescents. Other factors can exacerbate mental health disorders, such as trauma, having a long-term illness or a change in the home environment. Mental Health Disorders can also occur alone in children and teens who may not have other diagnoses. 

 

What does this mean for parents? Since children and teens with special needs can be more likely to have a mental health diagnosis, it’s important for parents to be aware, informed, and prepared about their children’s mental health and where to look for support and resources. As the parent of a young adult with both a developmental disability and a mental health diagnosis, I can tell you that systemic misunderstanding, lack of resources, lack of trained professionals and stigma are daily struggles for kids and teens with complex needs and their families. 

 

What are some things that I want you to know, as a mom of a young adult who has both a developmental disability and a mental health diagnosis who successfully completed homeschool almost 2 years ago? 

 

  • Homeschooling is a WONDERFUL accommodation for kids with developmental disabilities or brain-based diagnoses and mental health diagnoses. The complex needs of our kids can make traditional school a struggle, and homeschooling allows us to meet our kids where they are at and accommodate their needs.
  • Often, what you may perceive as willful behaviors in a child or teen with a brain-based diagnosis and or mental health diagnosis are instead behavioral symptoms show dysregulation or the need for treatment, care and accommodations. It is often said that “the children and teens who need the most love and help will often ask for it in the most unloving ways”.  
  • I learned this the hard way. Have GRACE with your child who is coping with a mental health diagnosis. You can’t discipline a diagnosis, illness or disability! You can find medical support, treatment, medications, therapies, and accommodations.  
  • This journey can be very isolating. Parent support groups, peer mentors and ministries in mental health can help lessen the isolation. 
  • This journey is also filled with stigma. Unfortunately, many still view mental health disorders as shameful and shocking. Having a mental health disorder is a medical condition and medical conditions are to be properly treated!
  • One resource that truly helped my family and myself to understand mental health, and when a situation becomes an emergency, was through taking an 8 hour “Mental Health First Aid” course. Mental Health First Aid is “a skills-based training course that teaches participants about mental health”. You can learn more at mentalhealthfirstaid.org 
  • Another wonderful resource has been our faith-based family therapist. Steve has walked alongside our family for the past 3 years and we are so blessed that he has helped our son, and our family, make such progress while growing in our faith and hope!  
  • A few of my mom friends who understand the complex needs of parenting those with developmental disabilities and mental health diagnoses and I came up with the phrase “Grace and Space”. Having grace with our children and ourselves is important!  Equally important is having space for renewal. For me, it’s steeping myself in God’s Word on my quiet, front porch, or picking blueberries in the summer under my favorite overgrown blueberry “tree”. For you, it may be a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. Grace and Space. 
  • Homeschooling allowed us to build in those “buffer days” for when we all needed those “mental health” days. I’ve learned that our schedule looks different from other homeschool families and different is OK! 
  • Finally, focus on the gifts, strengths, and abilities of your children! They are treasures and it’s up to us, as their parents, to help them dig through the dark, so they may shine!  

 

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 

Natalie Vecchione is a FASD parent advocate, podcaster, author… and most importantly a wife and homeschool mom of two. Natalie and her husband, John, built their family through domestic adoption. Their son, who is almost 20, lives with a FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). He graduated from homeschool as a carpentry apprentice. Their daughter is 7 and they have a much different adoption journey with her, as they are very close with their daughter’s birth family. Natalie turned her family’s unique challenges and journey with FASD from reinvention into a calling when she and her husband began FASD Hope in  2020. Natalie and her family live in Eastern North Carolina. 

Natalie’s book “Blazing New Homeschool Trails: Educating and Launching Teens with Developmental Disabilities” co-written with Cindy LaJoy

 

 

 


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 by Cheryl Swope, M.Ed., Simply Classical Curriculum, Myself & Others Curriculum, and Cheryl Swope Consulting

 

“My child doesn’t have special needs. They just have anxiety, depression, and OCD.” I often hear such statements. Parents sometimes wonder why a child struggles with learning when they don’t have “special needs,” as if only Down syndrome or severe autism impacts learning! 

 

As many of us can attest, any mental turmoil can dramatically affect a child’s ability to concentrate, perform consistently, and feel accomplished academically. Rather than ignore these issues, we would do well to take note. Mental health concerns appear to be on the rise for children. In a recent study of 8,000 teens in the United States in 2021, 44% say they feel “persistent feelings of sadness of hopelessness,” which is up from 26% in 2009. Even 29%, more than 1 in 4, seems high. The 2021 percentage – 44% – is the highest level of teenage depression ever recorded. 

 

One widespread cause seems clear. According to a Cambridge study of 84,000 individuals, social media use was strongly associated with worsening mental health. A particularly vulnerable group appears to be girls ages 11-13. Instagram’s own internal research noted that one-third of all teenage girls said “Instagram made them feel worse,” even though these girls “feel unable to stop themselves” from logging on. (Read more in The Atlantic April 13, 2022 article, “Why American Teens Are So Sad.”) 

 

What can we do? One straightforward antidote is simply going “cold turkey,” as we would with any addiction or compulsion, and substituting something much healthier and more satisfying. Church attendance, heart-to-heart conversations, good books, art classes, team sports, individual exercise like swimming or running, volunteering, or outings with friends will almost certainly, if only gradually, improve a child’s well-being. (Pair this with professional medical or integrative treatment as needed.)

 

Another culprit according to the writer of the article referenced above, is modern parenting. By extension, this may include modern homeschooling. Rather than teach our child to enjoy the uniquely gratifying pen-to-paper expression of writing by hand, we scribe all of their work for them. Rather than expose our dog-averse child to the neighbor’s easygoing Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, we shield them from all dogs. Rather than teach our resistant child to enjoy gratifying pen-to-paper written expression, we scribe all of their work for them. Rather than teach the child to set the table, make their bed, or empty the dishwasher, we do all of these things for them. Rather than introduce the vegetables, fats, and proteins they needs for optimal brain health, we allow the sugary snacks or textures they prefer. Rather than invite an agreeable child to play, we avoid playdates altogether. We give the child the impression that we do not think they can handle much at all. 

 

Persistent rescuing emboldens anxiety and may worsen other conditions. We convey our anxiety about their anxiety and only compound the problem. When a child is depressed and wants to be alone, we can honor their request at times, but we also need to plan enjoyable outings, active sports, or nature walks. We can also make a point of visiting others who need cheering. For the obsessive child, such social distractions often help. For example, when a child compulsively checks something a certain number of times, to “prevent” doom from befalling a family member,  we can work with a therapist to include exposure techniques that embolden the child to see the fallacy of their previous thinking. When they learn that all will be well even when they do not check, they can better enjoy the freedom to allow themselves not to engage in such checking and spend their time in pursuits that truly do help others. 

 

Consider these resources to help with the above:

 

Accommodations have become an understandable norm of good parenting, but we need to be careful. The desired result of parenting is not the absence of all uncomfortable feelings, but rather the resilience to carry on in spite of them. Let’s return to what we know: Children need good playmates, even if they cannot yet manage to establish true “friends.” Children need to build competence academically, even if this requires step-by-step instruction. Children need to learn that they can happily and freely live outside of the little screen on any device to see the real world around them. They can be brave, capable, and thoughtful toward others, as this may be the best and surest way to overcome sadness and hopelessness. As we help our children see their purpose, we can reintroduce our children to the importance of becoming strong, resilient people in their families, churches, and neighborhoods who love, care for, and appreciate those around them with greater confidence, compassion, and cheer.

Cheryl Swope, M.Ed., is the author of Simply Classical: A Beautiful Education for Any Child (Memoria Press, 2nd edition, 2019) and the Simply Classical Curriculum (Memoria Press) for children with mental, physical, and emotional special needs. She and her husband live in a quiet lake community in Missouri with their adult twins who have autism and schizophrenia and who serve others in numerous ways.

 

 

 

 


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